Prufrock Revisited [1]
My gaze flits cautiously to you, and away,
a child chasing waves, taunting, playful,
then scurrying timidly away.
I will speak to you, I will say
how strange is the day,
with the sky dark and wet in late May.
I will sashay up to you in my slinky black dress
I will smile, I will flirt, I will be relentless.
The people collect names they will forget,
talk of summer, and flick a cigarette.
The room is full of faces,
unblinking flesh colored forms like goosebumps.
I shall wear stockings to hide my unsightly lumps,
I shall sit tall and elegant in my chair,
but still you will think, "How little she must care,
why, look at her frizzy hair!"
What when yours is so artfully placed,
each strand framing your boyish face,
and how should I presume?
You will set your bow on the stand
and I will be sure not to speak too soon,
and still you will think, "How she persists,
how she prattles like a loon!"
So how should I presume?
The people say things they will regret,
talk of dreams, and flick a cigarette.
I should have been but one horsehair,
singing at your command, moving the air.
I will stutter, I will drool, and you will think,
"What a silly, pretty fool." [2]
Because that's all a girl can be,
ultimately.
I will stand in one corner of the room,
the rhythmic clinking of champagne flutes,
the vague hum of voices like a refrigerator,
dimming everything as if on a stage set.
The strings swell and foretell of some starry-eyed tryst,
Rachmaninoff, Franz Liszt [3]
but I do not think you hear the music.
And I will go home with conversations in my head,
ones that never were and never will be
ones that will haunt me as I climb into bed
and dream of the courage I wish I had.
***
1. Prufrock: This poem was inspired by T. S. Eliot's poem, "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock."
2. pretty fool: A reference to Daisy in Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby when she she says, "I hope she'll be a fool--that's the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool.
3. The romantic composers Sergei Rachmaninoff and Franz Liszt.
