Still, the last month or two I had basically been happy working there, but I guess I'm not working there anymore. Or something. It's kind of a strange situation actually; the last couple of weeks I tried to send in my availability, I found it increasingly difficult to reach anybody. And that's saying something--if there's anything that Milk does well, it's responding to emails. When I sent that first email asking about the internship program, I had a reply within half an hour, and every time I'd sent in my schedule up until the last couple of weeks, I never had to wait longer than an hour or two to hear back. But suddenly I was having to email 2 or 3 people before I heard back at all, and I'd be added to the schedule at the last minute. The last time this happened, I emailed three of the main guys in the equipment room, and then I actually spoke to one of them in person during one of my shifts after a couple of days of not getting an email response. He assured me as I was leaving that he would add me to the schedule right away, but he didn't, and so the night before the first shift I had requested to work, I actually called the office to see what the deal was. One of the new guys picked up and said that the guy I'd spoken to was there, but he was busy so he'd call me back. I waited until about 10pm for a call back and never got one, so I called the office again, but the same guy picked up and, not knowing what else to tell me, he observed that I still hadn't been added to the schedule so he supposed I wasn't working the next day. I never did hear back about the rest of the days I had requested to work either.
I remembered talking to a guy I'd worked with my first couple of days at Milk after he had been fired on my third day. Aside from the nasty words one of the equipment guys flung at him on his last day, he said that the main indicator that he was fired was that they simply stopped responding to his emails altogether, and stopped adding him to the schedule. So I sort of figured that maybe I had been fired... but unlike the other intern's situation, nothing really happened... I didn't make a mistake, I wasn't slow or unobservant to clients' needs, I didn't drop anything or do anything wrong (and honestly, not only would I own up to it if I did, but I'd be the first to know exactly what I did wrong because I have the kind of mind that frets over every little thing that I do). So if they did fire me... why? I suppose the most likely answer to that is that I'd been working there as an unpaid intern for about 4 and a half months, and it was just my time. As I've mentioned, Milk's turnover rate for interns is ridiculously quick, and clearly they didn't like me enough to hire me on full time (or they would have done that after only a month or two), so I guess they just let me go so they could bring in new blood. I don't know, maybe I'm reading too far into it--my friend Dana (who I met through Milk as a matter of fact), says the same thing happened to her but she just decided to go in anyway and nobody said anything, so she thinks they just don't communicate well sometimes.
Either way, the strangest part in all of this is that I feel kind of impartial about it. I'm disappointed that I didn't get more from working there, but to be honest I'm not sad that it's over. I wasn't making money there anyway, and things would most likely have continued on the way they were, so I kind of feel like maybe this is a good thing because now I have more time to find a job that will pay me.
Speaking of which!
The latest news in my professional life is that I found a job that I'm very excited about, and it looks like I might actually have a chance at getting it! The position is as a photographer at a 50s pin-up style portrait studio called Shameless Photography. The company is all about body positivity and making women feel comfortable and beautiful in their own skin. This job appeals to me partly, of course, because it would enable me to do what I love for money, but also because I love their mission. As a photographer trying to get into the fashion industry, I do sometimes worry that I am contributing to the fat-shaming culture which pushes these images of perfect 00-size women on the public and tells them that this is what they should aim for. In reality, of course, there is a huge production that goes into the making of these high fashion images--everything from the makeup and hair styling to the post production elevates the model from a pretty girl to a goddess, and even though we all know that there's a lot of retouching going on, it's still sometimes hard to internalize the fact that the faces we see in magazines aren't real.
So this job sounds like a dream come true. Not only would I actually be able to make a career as a photographer, but I would have no ethical qualms about doing it either. I'd be making art that would make people feel better about themselves instead of giving them an impossible goal to constantly measure themselves against.
As soon as I saw the ad (I found the listing on Craigslist in June), I set to work writing and designing a cover letter, revamping my résumé, and selecting images particularly suited to the job, as well as some retouching samples. In all, I think I probably spent a little over 10 hours putting everything together, and by the time I was done, it was somewhere around 4 in the morning, but I didn't waste any time and I sent it all as soon as I could so it wouldn't get lost under all the other applications that were surely to come.
About a week later, I attempted to stop by the studio and check on my application, but the address listed online turned out to be incorrect, and when I emailed them about it, they said that they prefer all communication to be through email--no drop-ins or phone calls. The lady who got back to me said they'd probably have some people picked for interviews in about two weeks, so I waited. Two weeks later, I emailed them again to see where they were at, and I got a response saying that they were still wading through applications because they'd gotten over 600 applicants. Over 600! Well, at that point I kind of lost hope--with that kind of competition, and in New York City no less, it wasn't likely that I'd get a callback. So I comforted myself with the knowledge that I tried my best, and tried to prepare myself for what I basically saw as an inevitability that no email would come.
Well. About two weeks ago, the email came: "After reviewing your application, it is our pleasure to invite you for an interview." I had been checking my inbox obsessively, but it still came as a shock. There were 8 time slots spread over two days, so I replied right away and put myself down for a time slot that Friday for a Skype interview.
The days leading up to the interview were full of nervous jitters and frantic thoughts. I felt like I had to study, as if for an exam... even though I knew there wasn't any way I could possibly guess what they'd ask me. (I mean, there were some things I could brush up on of course, but you know what I mean.) The fact that it was a Skype interview made me all the more nervous; my experience with Skype is fairly limited, and I'd never used it for an interview before. Where do you look? Do you look at the screen so you can see the person talking to you, or do you look into the webcam so it looks like you're making eye contact? Is it ok to wear earbuds so there would be no feedback, or should I just use my computer's speakers? Do I need to add their account now so they have time to accept in advance, or should I wait until the day of the interview?? So many questions!! I even opened a brand new account with my name as the screen name, after noticing that my regular account was named something rather silly, and I didn't want to risk seeming unprofessional.
The day of the interview, I spent the entire morning trying on outfit after outfit, clearing my room and desk space, and setting up a diffuser against my desk lamp so I'd get good lighting (you know you're applying to a photographer position when...)
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| I wasn't kidding about the diffuser. |
I couldn't eat, I couldn't sit still--I'd never been so nervous before.
And then the interview started, and suddenly, everything came easily. I suppose I was lucky because Sophie (the founder of the company and the woman who interviewed me) asked me questions that I could answer; mostly about my workflow, how I communicate/interact with models and stylists before/during/after the shoot, my experience working with non-models, and how I'd handle certain situations with women who would not be deemed "beautiful" by conventional standards. It was a long interview--nearly an hour--and this gave us both a chance to learn a lot about each other. I told her about how I work, what the transition to New York has been like, what my plans are, and so forth, and then I got to ask her about how and why she started Shameless, and how the company works.
Sophie admitted that I was the "newbie" of the group, meaning that I was by far the youngest contender. Although that does obviously put me at a disadvantage because I lack the experience that some of the other interviewees may have, she did say several times that she was very impressed with my portfolio, and that the fact that I was chosen at all (1 out of 8 from over 600 applicants) speaks highly of me. So overall, I think the interview went quite well; Skype did not fail me, and I think I came off as confident and charming. I'll know in about a week whether I made it to the second round of interviews, and they should have someone chosen to start training in September.
I'm trying very hard not to get too hopeful about this because I know that I'm almost certainly not the most qualified applicant in the running in terms of experience. The fact that I got called in for an interview in the first place is a minor miracle, so I'm counting my blessings. Still, I do hope that maybe they'll see a youthful energy in me that appeals to them. I am young, I am smart, I am a fast learner, I am passionate... and after all, I am the 22-year-old who moved clear across the country to pursue a wildly competitive career in a wildly competitive city. We'll see.
I'll keep you posted. :)
