The problem is that I have SO FREAKIN MUCH to write about, that I'm a little afraid I'm going to have forgotten a lot of it by the time I actually get the chance to commit it all to writing... so this entry is going to be something of a splashdown to help my memory, and the next time I write, hopefully I'll flesh it all out in greater detail.
So let's see.
Frustrations with Milk.
Frustrations with flaky stylists (hoping to shoot on Monday, finally... after having to postpone 3 times).
Worst day ever (so much so that it was comical, so no hard feelings).
Decades Magazine is awesome. Amazing. Stupendous. Stressful. Crazy hours. No sleep. Inspiring. Educational. Sad it's ending in 3 days. :(
Made a friend. Too bad he was only here for a week before he had to go back to California. Back to being lonely.
THERE IS A STORE HERE THAT ONLY SELLS RICE PUDDING. THEY HAVE LIKE 20 FLAVORS AND IT'S AMAZING.
Weather! I mean WTF man, it's spring already, get your shit together.
Met an awesome jewelry stylist who said she'd put me in contact with some models she knows... and she actually followed up on it! Still crossing my fingers for a possible in with Wilhelmina. :D
Finding unpaid internships is crazy easy. Finding people who will pay you is crazy hard. Starting to feel a little desperate.
Bushwick is noisy. Air beds do not hold heat, and so I freeze my buns off every night.
I miss singing. Like, a lot. It's gotten to the point where sometimes I hum to myself on the subway and hope that it's noisy enough that other people don't notice. I sing at home occasionally, and I borrowed a piano from my cousin that I play sometimes, but the walls are paper thin, and I'm self conscious about it because I know people can hear me.
Kind of amazed that the loneliness isn't getting to me more... maybe it would if I wasn't so busy all the time and I actually had a moment to digest my situation. Don't know what I would do if I didn't have Barry to talk to every day. I want so badly to make friends here, but it sort of seems like no one actually lives here, so it's hard. I want to go out and have a good time, but I have no one to go out with.
Wish I was shooting more. It feels like a crime that I've been here for almost two months and I haven't touched my camera. Hopefully that'll change once I get some of my life back after this week.
People keep calling me "brave" for taking the plunge and coming all the way out here alone. I suppose it is sort of brave, but I also feel like I don't have much choice. Where else could I do what I want to do? There's LA, but nobody in their right mind would choose LA over New York. This was a logical choice. A necessary one. And what happens if it doesn't work out here? I don't even want to think about that. It's funny--I miss home, and I miss Barry and I miss my parents and my dog and nature and Linnaea's... but I already feel like I can't go back. I've gotten a taste of what this place has to offer, and going back to my hometown just doesn't feel like an option anymore.
Ok, that's all I've got for now. But I'll leave you with two songs I haven't been able to stop listening to. They both seem to capture my mood these days... which I suppose isn't necessarily a positive thing, but it's really not as bad as you probably think. I'm not sad, exactly... it's more complicated than that. Most of the time I feel alright. There's just kind of an abstract melancholy that follows me around these days; it's not big enough to cast a shadow, but I know it's there.
